Sex Story: How to Craft a Great One

When it comes to sex, so much emphasis is placed on what people do. And for obvious reason. But what about what people say? Particularly for long-distance lovers, words become an important device for expressing themselves and connecting sexually. While men must focus on maintaining good penile health so that any visual materials they send aren’t alarming, and so that they will be able to perform once the lover is nearby, they should equally attend to their verbal abilities so they can please partners in the present with a tailored sex story.

Now, anyone can tell a sex story, but not everyone can tell a truly thrilling one. Below, men can find tips for telling a tale that stokes a lover’s passion. And, while this is certainly desired in the case of long-distance lovers, it can also be of benefit to those near and dear, spicing things up in the bedroom.

1. Learn what she likes (and doesn’t). Any man can tell a story about what he likes, and about what other women he’s been with have liked, but tailoring a story to a particular lover’s preferences and fantasies will make all the difference for her. So some explicit pre-conversation will be very helpful. Does she have any kinks or fetishes? What positions does she love? Does she like to be in control, to relinquish control or a combination of the two? What kind of foreplay really gets her going? Where are her hot spots, inside and out?

Once a man has the details, he can use them wisely throughout his story. He should be careful not to turn the story into a formulaic bullet-point list of her desires. Intersperse aspects of what she likes with what the story-teller craves – having made sure that she is comfortable with what he likes. Learning what she doesn’t like is just as important here.

2. Get into her pleasure. This is one of the most important general sex tips, not just a story-telling tip. But a story is going to be much better if a man not only “ticks the boxes” of a lady’s preferences, but actually gets into the idea of pleasuring her. This opens him up to more descriptive language, imagining her writhing, moaning, gasping and so on, and responding sexually himself to her reactions, describing how much he enjoys the pleasure his “character” is giving hers.

3. Interactive or monologue? Lovers can play around with different formats for story-telling. They may want to start off exchanging monologues about what they want to do and to have done to them. Then they can move to live chatting or speaking in which the primary story-teller is open to interjections and revisions from the other, or the two can take equal turns building the tale.

4. It’s all in the details. Telling a great sex story requires consistency and detail – imagine the way bodies are positioned throughout, and make reasonable transitions to other positions. Were her hands tied behind her back? If she’s going to use her hands on one’s member in the next scene, they need to be untied, for example. Breaking consistency can break the magic of a steamy tale.

5. Be realistic. The best sex story is realistic. If a man writes or says that the second he enters a woman, she climaxes, that’s not likely to titillate her because it’s not likely to happen in real life. Don’t write about crazy positions that her flexibility or one’s own strength would not facilitate. While it may seem like no big deal to portray ideals and wild fantasies, this could convey to her that a man wants or expects things she can’t deliver, and that’s not a sexy thought.

Many couples choose to supplement their verbal tales with risqué pictures, and that’s a great idea for people who trust one another. A good sex tip for guys in this vein is to be mindful to make their organs as presentable as possible so that their dick pics are appealing. Minding the condition of the skin is crucial here. A penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) with Shea butter and vitamin E will keep the skin moisturized, eliminated the common issues of dryness and flakiness. Plus, such a product will help minimize chafing, which is inevitable with all the cranking a man is likely to do while crafting and receiving hot sex stories.

How Women Enjoy Eroticism Through Sex Stories

Most heterosexual women do not masturbate. They also do not find the concepts of eroticism or fantasy that appealing. So who reads all the feminine erotica out there?

Presumably some lesbian women masturbate and read erotica. In fact, female masturbation and clitoral stimulation are often associated with lesbianism. Perhaps this is why so much female erotica focuses on women’s bodies and sex between women.

No offence to lesbian or bisexual women but I am straight. I like male body parts, male psyche and sexual acts involving men. The woman is incidental. I enjoy homosexual erotica because I imagine myself on the receiving end of fellatio or anal sex, for example.

Female erotica often includes humiliation, domination and sadism. The titles of women’s sex stories abound with words such as: slave, chains, torture, bound, obey, submission. Do women associate sex with feeling ‘dirty’ or guilty about their sexual urges?

I like the wholehearted enthusiasm for sex that is portrayed in homosexual erotica. There is no virginal reluctance or demure disgust. People just enjoy the eroticism of sexual activity without anyone being forced into anything against their will (not always but mostly).

I admit that domination can be arousing. Given there is so much out there I have read my share. One book of sex stories involved a series of sadistic scenarios and frankly I was quite relieved when I eventually tired of the never-ending pain. My conclusion is that the concept of sadism may get me going but, for me at least, it does not cause orgasm.

It was a revelation to me that, unlike pornography, erotica is not intended solely for the purposes of causing sexual arousal. Perhaps this explains why I often struggle to find sex stories for women that can assist with orgasm. I have to wonder though… what else does anyone read this stuff for?

Shere Hite was phenomenal but sadly few women relate to her findings. This is because most women approach sex through their relationship with their lover. They have no concept of enjoying their own sexual arousal through clitoral stimulation. Equally they have never discovered the pleasures of sexual fantasies.

I read Hite when I was twenty and I understood that clitoral stimulation was critical to female orgasm from masturbation. However, clitoral stimulation never seemed to help with my sexual arousal during sex with my partner. The fact is that even during female masturbation, clitoral stimulation only leads to orgasm when it is combined with the use of sexual fantasies.

Men have a fairly natural transition from masturbation to sex because they use images of naked women for arousal. Women do not use images of naked men during masturbation so it is more difficult for them to transfer their orgasm techniques including their use of sexual fantasies to sex with a partner.

Telling Sex Stories Can Lead to a Great Orgasm – Secrets to Dirty Talk Sex

Telling sexy stories and talking dirty in bed can lead to having better intercourse and ultimately a great orgasm. Using dirty talk is really a form of foreplay and by using it you can stimulate you partner and turn them on. Many people get into a routine and this can become boring and lead to a non exciting love life. You need to spice it up and telling each other sexy stories can be one great options to put you in the mood.

The first thing that you want to do is to find out what fantasies the other one has this way you can cater the story around that interest. Do not be afraid to try this new technique on each other because you need to try new things always to keep your love life fresh and interesting. Women like it when you talk softly in there ear so you may want to tell your sex story there so that they can fell you close to them.

It is important that when you are talking dirty that you also caress and message each other so that you can hear and feel the pleasure. Remember that when a woman is going to have an orgasm that it is very important that you have prolonged foreplay because they take longer than a man to climax. Never rush through your love making or foreplay because you need to enjoy this time and to get more intimate.

It is always best that when you are trying something new that you have all the information you can so that you can have a successful time with your partner in bed.

26 Reasons Why You Need To Stop Watching Porn/Masturbating

Porn may have been the greatest thing you ever discovered when you were 12 and found a Playboy under your dad’s bed, but can it be true that porn is actually now adversely effecting you? Porn and Masturbation have had their time and place, but now I will give you reasons on why they need to go.

1. Porn/Masturbation drains your energy.

After you ejaculate, you lose many vitamins including vitamin C, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, citric acid, creatine, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc. When you masturbate frequently, it can deplete too much of these sources and make you feel drained.

2. Giving up Porn/Masturbation can make you stronger.

When you aren’t frequently masturbating, the vitamins you retain in your body can give you a sense of strength and well-being.

3. Porn/Masturbation can lead to erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.

According to addiction. com, too much pornography can re-wire your body to react primarily to porn, so when you have a real partner in front of you, your body won’t react how it is supposed to.

4. Porn can make your brain desensitized to real sex.

As stated in the previous example, porn can confuse your brain and cause you to not enjoy real sex as much.

5. Porn/Masturbation can kill your motivation.

Too much porn/masturbation can lead to feelings of tiredness and lack of motivation. When addicted to pornography and ejaculation, it sometimes kills motivation to go out and strive for things you truly desire.

6. Porn/Masturbation can get you addicted to “instant gratification”.

Porn/Masturbation, like many other habits in life, are a form of instant gratification. If you build the habit of frequent porn/masturbation, you are 3x more likely to eat unhealthy and stay up later binge watching television, which can all lead to being very unhealthy habits.

7. Porn/Masturbation can take away from other amazing experiences.

Porn and Masturbation can leave you thinking about sex all the time, even at unwanted times. Instead of enjoying a sunset or having an enjoyable dinner, your mind can be flooded with sexual thoughts, rendering you unable to fully enjoy the moment you are trying to experience.

8. Porn/Masturbation can make you creepy.

With so many varieties of porn out nowadays, porn viewers are subject to watching things that would never usually happen in healthy sexual encounters. When you view material like this it gets subconsciously planted in your brain, and you think of it throughout the day. When you think about sex so much, it can affect how you interact and may even make you look creepy.

9. Porn/Masturbation can make you look lifeless.

As per reports from a group of individuals who decided to quit pornography and masturbation over at reddit.com/r/nofap, users report when quitting porn/masturbation they noticed more color in their eyes, dark spots around their eyes disappearing, more color in their skin, and even the reduction/elimination of acne.

10. Porn/Masturbation lowers your testosterone.

According to an article at examine. com testosterone levels were higher when abstinent for 3 weeks compared to ejaculating regularly.

11. Giving up porn/masturbation can give you boosts of energy.

Anyone seeking why they have no energy, but can’t seem to find a cure – try being abstinent for a month. People who abstain report significantly higher levels of energy when giving up porn/masturbation.

12. Giving up porn/masturbation can get you a girlfriend/boyfriend.

If you decide not to ejaculate from porn/masturbation, your body will start seeking out other ways to satisfy it’s desire, either through wet dreams or seeking out a mutual partner. People who give up porn/masturbation report the opposite sex noticing them more.

13. Giving up porn/masturbation can make you more productive.

With the newfound energy from quitting, people have reported using their time to pursue more productive ventures.

14. Giving up porn/masturbation can save your marriage.

If you are married and decided to give up porn and masturbation, throwing away other sources of sexual pleasure usually lead to giving more attention to your significant other. Users on reddit.com/r/nofap have reported quitting porn/masturbation to have “saved their marriage”.

15. Giving up porn/masturbation can make you more self-disciplined.

Quitting this habit takes self-control, and when you quit you may notice yourself having self-discipline in other areas as well.

16. Giving up porn/masturbation can make you different from every other guy/girl.

They say around 95% of men masturbate regularly, and when you quit, it may give you a mental and physical “edge” over other men or women.

17. Porn/Masturbation can give you social anxiety/depression.

Abstainers have reported after quitting porn/masturbation their social anxiety and/or depression was greatly reduced or vanished. The science behind this is unclear, but it may be from unconscious social fears of feeling like you are hiding something.

18. Giving up porn/masturbation frees up your time.

When you give up porn/masturbation, you will have more free time to pursue other ventures.

19. Giving up porn/Masturbation can make you feel better spiritually (if you’re into that)

In many religions, sexual immorality or pornography is viewed as a sin, and quitting them will lead you to feeling closer to your spiritual goals.

20. Porn/Masturbation can give you an unrealistic view of how women want to be treated.

Many times pornography consumption starts at an early age, and before learning how to truly interact with other women, they are instead being trained by pornography videos where the women are clearly mistreated. Kids can grow up believing that women should be treated like sex objects instead of people.

21. Quitting Porn/Masturbation has led to feelings of wholeness.

Abstainers report feeling more whole as a person when quitting porn/masturbation.

22. Quitting Porn/Masturbation can improve your sex life.

After quitting porn/masturbation, your sex life may improve from you being more present with your significant other.

23. Quitting Porn/Masturbation can make you more likable.

People that have quit porn/masturbation report being more sociable and having others come and socialize with them more often then when they were using porn/masturbation.

24. Quitting Porn/Masturbation can give you more confidence.

Without the feeling of hiding anything sexually and the build-up of extra protein/vitamins in your body, people have reported feeling more confident after quitting porn and masturbation.

25. Quitting Porn/Masturbation can make you feel more.

Others that have quit porn/masturbation report feeling more emotions after quitting.

26. Porn/Masturbation can mess with your reward circuitry.

Porn and Masturbation can mess with your reward circuitry, teaching your brain that sex is just a mouse-click away.

These are just a few of the effects of porn/masturbation.

Sex Stories – Could it Be the Climax to a Great Night’s Sleep?

Did you know that sex stories may be the answer to getting a good night’s sleep? Yup, that’s right sex stories. Sounds a heck of a lot better than Valium or elephant sized doses of sleepy time tea, doesn’t it? Sex has been proven to be a great sleep inducer and spicing up your sex life with sex stories can be a big help in getting the sleep you need. There is no argument that the restorative powers of sleep are needed for a healthy and happy lifestyle. Sex stories can help add to your sex life making the sex better as well as your sleep.

Not sleeping can be dangerous to your health, but using sex stories as a sex aid can help stem off the negative stimuli that causes us not to be able to sleep. Studies have shown that sleep deprivation can bring on serious disease such as dementia and Parkinson’s disease. Not to mention how it can generally mess up other things in your life like your work, family life relationships, etc. The key is to wind your body and brain down just before bed and sex is the perfect way to do that. Using sex stories can put your in the mood to have sex by exciting your mind and helping to reach a better and more satisfying orgasm. That is what puts you to sleep, the release.

Some may argue that reading sex stories would get your brain too excited and may not be the best way to get a good night’s slumber. Not true. As mentioned before, it’s the release in sex that brings the mind and body down into a restful satisfied state more conducive to deep sleep. Excitement before bed such as action movies or going for a jog or other exercise have negative effects on your sleep because the endorphin build up stimulates your brain without the benefit of release. This is what causes your brain to work overtime and diminishes your ability to fall asleep.

Sex stories definitely have a nice dual effect don’t they? Spicing up your sex life while enjoying a restful night’s sleep should sound pretty good to just about anyone! Sleep is so important to your health, so is sex, so this sleep remedy is a real winner! Sure is a lot more attractive than trips to the doctor, pharmacy or the health food store.

Sex Stories – Tips For a Great Swinging Couples Party

You’re no stranger to block parties and birthdays, but now you’re looking to throw a party with a little more of an adult theme? For wild couples, swing parties can be fun for an anniversary or special birthday, or they can be great events for you to organize regularly. So what do you have to consider? As in all sex stories, what’s important are the fundamentals:

Where to Have your Party

Your own home is your best bet for your party as a new host. You might be tempted to hold a party outside in warm weather- lots of space, beautiful scenery and easy cleanup. But this isn’t wise unless you live VERY far away from your neighbors.
You may think a high fence or tall trees provide privacy, but even if your neighbors can’t see you, they can still hear you! This can result in a complaint and an unfortunate police visit.
Attempts to hide your party attendees’ sounds with loud music won’t work. Those bright colorful lights you’ll see aren’t festive decorations, but police cars out front.
All this considered, it’s best to keep the action inside when you start out. If you’re a real beginner, you’ll also want to attend a few swing parties before trying to host your own.
Sometimes people consider hosting as an easy way to make some money, but like most plans for fast money, it’s not as simple as it looks. It’s important to plan your parties well, and you’re not hosting a spectator sport. In order to get along with your guests and have a good party, you should be into swinging yourself.

The Guest List

In the beginning you should invite people you know from other swingers’ parties and groups. You’ll want to get more comfortable with hosting and more familiar with swinging before you let strangers show up.
Saturday night’s alright for swinging- people tend to be too tired to get into it at the end of the week on Friday. It’s a good idea to start promoting your party about a month in advance, and encourage people to bring people they actually know, but not friends of friends.
Make this rule very clear: couples only!! Single men often try to crash to take advantage of what they imagine is just one big orgy- that’s not what this is about. Single men or women can cause jealousies and complications. Limiting your guest list to couples allows everyone to relax and enjoy themselves.

What to Serve your Guests

It’s illegal to sell alcohol without a liquor license so you can’t charge for alcohol or you could be arrested. Instead, charge a fee per couple to attend and give away the food and liquor. $30 per couple is a standard charge, or you can charge a smaller fee and make it BYOB.
One of the first things you should establish is how many couples you can accommodate, depending on space, your comfort, and the energy you want your party to have. You can overbook by 50% because a lot of people may not show up.
Require that people RSVP by e-mail. This way, you’ll have the e-mails of all the people who are attending so you can send them the time, date and location of the party, along with rules and any fun details of a theme if you’re having one (these are common at swing parties.)

Speaking of Rules…

You should say up front whether you’ll allow smoking and any kind of cameras/documentation. These can make some guests uncomfortable, so they should know what they’re getting into.
Make it clear that the party is supposed to be fun and safe for everyone, and you won’t tolerate drunkenness or fighting.
Also, all activities will be completely consensual and no one will have to participate in anything they aren’t comfortable with.

Use these simple guidelines and you’ll have your guests coming again and again!

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Couples and Sexuality – Amp Up Your Sex Life This Summer by Cooling Down!

Would you like to beat the heat to enhance your sex life this summer? Extreme heat in the summer months can be a love repellant, especially when you feel hot and bothered or when the kids are up and around for more hours. This can create a challenge for you making love with your partner. Does this sound familiar? If so, read on for some solutions….

It’s a hot one this year! Keeping hydrated with clean water at all times is of the utmost importance for your health and your sex life, no matter what activities you do. Here are five fun and affordable ideas on keeping your love life hot while your body stays cool this summer:

Love tip 1: Pool party for two
Cool down in the water then heat things up! Float, relax, and break out the rafts and noodles; whatever floats your boat! Play some nice soft music while you dip. Taking a swim in your pool is a wonderful way to cool down and connect. Remember to flirt, hug, and smooch in the pool to amp things up. If you have a private pool, then skinny dipping can be very daring and arousing. Take your time- move slowly towards and away from each other playfully. Making love in the water is a fun way to share your passion while staying cool, especially at night when the temperature drops a bit. If you have kids, send them to Grandmas or your favorite sitter for the night!

Love tip 2: Romantic indoor picnic:
Buy or prepare some cool treats for the two of you- veggie platter, cold salads, fruits, cheeses or anything else chilled and easy that you enjoy eating together. Make some cold drinks such as spiked lemonade, Mojitos or Margaritas. Remember that alcohol dehydrates, so drink some extra water with your picnic dinner. Set up your picnic blanket in the middle of the room. Light some small candle jars around the room and set the mood. One or both of you can prepare the feast.

Feed each other slowly in-between kissing and teasing each other. Enjoy yourselves by candlelight. You can also enhance the mood with nature CDs such as ocean, forest, lake, or whatever you find most romantic. Tonight, make love in a different room, such as the living room on the picnic blanket. Focus on giving each other oral pleasure tonight, so each of you has a turn to lay back, relax, and stay cool while enjoying the bliss of orgasm!
Love tip 3: Romantic movie date:

This cool date can be at home or out. If you go out to the movies, find a very romantic movie out in the theaters. There is usually at least one each summer. Find a seat in the back of the theater. Hold hands! Steal a kiss or two. Whisper sweet something to each other about what you will do to each other later. Share some popcorn and chilled water while you enjoy the movie. Laugh, cry, and then go home to make love.

Love tip 4: Racy movie date:
If you are at home, rent or buy a racy movie. There is a company called Candida Royalle that offers some softer adult films with cheesy romantic story lines. One site you can get them at is Adam Eve. You can also find some harder core adult films on that site, depending on your tastes. You can have fun with these movies, giggle or reenact some of the scenes together. Try some different sexual positions tonight, such as woman on top facing away from the man. This allows for maximum air circulation and freedom to move in a way that pleases her. Don’t forget to reach around to stimulate her clitoris to send her into O-land! Remember to drink plenty of water, and top it off with ice cream or some fruit salad.

Love tip 5: Cool and Hot Shower Time:
Instead of taking a hot shower tonight, make the water lukewarm or on the cooler side. Bring some waterproof toys such as I rub my duckie or a waterproof vibrator. You can also use a movable shower head that has different speeds for some soapy fun! Spend time lathering each other up. Take your time and use a nice scented soap, such as mango, raspberry or lemon.

By the way, vibrators can be for him and her! Massage each others back and front areas, focusing first away from the genitals and then later to the genitals. To stimulate her, use circular motions with the vibrator around the labia and clitoris where most of the nerve endings are. Later, insert one or two fingers gently into her vaginal canal. She may be able to reach one, two, three or more orgasms this way in a row. To get him going, stimulate his penis with one hand and using the vibrator underneath his testicles. Ask for feedback to see how it feels. Some people like vibrators and some don’t. Experiment with different speeds. When you are done, rinse off and dry each other off and then fall asleep together. Turn on the ceiling fans for some extra breeze.

Porn Addiction, Porn Creep and Erectile Dysfunction (E.D.)

“Porn creep” is defined as “a condition that results from the constant or excessive watching of pornographic material. It is characterised by an inability to get an erection under circumstances that do not involve the watching of pornographic material.”

Erectile dysfunction (or E.D.) is the inability to develop or maintain an erection in males and is rampant in those with a pornography addiction in our Internet Age – far more so than was the case pre-Internet.

Disturbingly, what my 2 year research into porn addiction found over and over again was adult males who were not only virgins but who also suffered from extreme erectile dysfunction. Even more disturbing was that younger virgin males too – even those as young as 14 to 16 were also already suffering with erectile dysfunction.

Many males describe their “love lives” as being 100% pornography and that this had been the case since they first began porning when exposed to it in their younger years. These virgin men range in age from teenagers to men in their 30s. A few have sex dolls. One had 10 dolls yet had never touched a real live person. He was 20. Another virgin was 27, had erectile dysfunction and was being led to “total self destruction” masturbating with other people on webcams and also had never felt the sensual touch of another human being in the real world. Others were on Viagra yet still struggled to get or keep an erection.

One young man wrote “I’m 18 and a porn addict for a few years and have E.D. I started out watching straight porn, then lesbian porn, transgender porn, gay porn, bestiality, bondage, older women, young men and what have you. Am I gay? I’ve never ever felt any attraction to men before. I’ve even started going to the Ads. I don’t know if it’s due to the escalation or if I am secretly gay. It’s eating me alive. I’m a virgin.”

Sadly, many young men are caught in a catch 22 situation. They know their porn use is what is preventing them from getting into real live relationships yet are powerless to stop. This leads to cycles of extreme sadness, loneliness and often boredom which then drives them to do more porn which leads to more self loathing and helplessness. And so the cycle just keeps going round and around. One addict wrote “It’s a catch 22. I’ve never had a girlfriend so I feel lonely and do porn – then porn stops me from getting a girlfriend.” Another wrote “I always porn when I am depressed, sad, lonely, feeling rotten or feel that I will never get a girlfriend.”

Still others delude themselves that a relationship will fix their pornography addiction and E.D. problems. One addict wrote “I’m 23 now and my porn addiction started very early. I hoped that when I got a girlfriend that I’d stop masturbating to porn and it would solve the problem. However, I did get her and my body wouldn’t respond. It only wanted masturbation. It wanted me to sit in front of a computer watching porn. It’s been the loss of that girlfriend due to my disease which has triggered my own realisation that I am a porn addict.” Another addict wrote “Getting into a relationship will not “fix” my porn addiction. The fantasy is it will but it won’t as relationships are separate altogether to porn addiction and most likely the porn addiction will doom the relationship anyway. This is similar to thinking getting into a relationship will fix any addiction. It won’t.”

Other males know a relationship will not fix their porn addiction and become used to not having relationships in their lives. One wrote “I began porn at 12. Am now 19 and never had a girlfriend or date in my life. My love life is 100% porn. I know porn is the reason I’ve never had a girlfriend. You just get used to porn and don’t want to put the effort into getting a girlfriend. I also have no confidence either.”

One 24 year old virgin wrote the following deeply sad testimony… “I lead a terrifying double life that alienates angers and depresses me. Normal sex with a female no longer stimulates my mind. I get E.D. immediately. I’ve never been erect enough to penetrate and hence why I am still technically a virgin. Just to even try and have sex I have to fantasize about porn. I now have extreme loneliness and a detachment from the rest of the world. For a while I thought I must be gay and even came out to a couple of people only to find sex with men even less stimulating. I masturbate 3-5 times daily – increasingly in VERY inappropriate places – work, people’s houses, public bathrooms, airports, airplanes, restaurants, hotel rooms – you name it. The skin on my penis wears down causing immense pain that takes months to heal because I can’t stop masturbating. If I have the “itch”, I have to scratch it – no matter the setting. I stopped once for 13 days. Towards the end of that time, and for the first time since the beginning of puberty, the simple things about a woman turned me on – hair, smile, style etc. It was like a fog has been lifted. But on day 14, I relapsed and entered a major relapse and it was to be the darkest one yet. All that hope that I would be able to be with a woman vanished.”

Other addicts have the same frustrations. One wrote “I’m a 24 year old virgin. Been doing porn for 4 years. My view on sex has been altered by porn to the point that I need porn in order to get aroused. Being with real women just doesn’t arouse me. It’s driving me crazy.” Many men’s stories are similar to this mans.

For those addicts who are not virgins and are – or have been – in relationships or marriages – their stories are equally as distressing. One wrote “Sometimes I will watch porn before having sex as it is the only way I can get aroused and in the mood but even then I can’t keep an erection yet with porn I can no problem and can and do compulsively masturbate. Other than that I have no sex drive at all. I only ever have one night stands and never had a relationship where we were sexual on a continuous basis. I also masturbate VERY aggressively and VERY fast that is not replicable by a vagina.”

Men have trained themselves – through masturbation such as this man described – to only respond to a grip tighter than any vagina is likely to be able to grip. The penis nerves become over stimulated so now the man cannot respond to more subtle sensations. And many porn addicted men are becoming to know this all too well. One wrote “The masturbation effect is greater than the normal effect of sex and why my body doesn’t respond as it should. I can’t perform.”

One of the things which astounded me in my research was how the gay and straight loved ones of pornography addicts were always having to BEG their male partners for sex. This was unheard of pre-Internet and frankly more shocking in a way than a lot of things I came across in my research. Women NEVER had to beg men for sex pre-Internet. Quite the opposite in fact. It was often a running joke amongst females in particular how men were always hungry for sex and were a nuisance as a result and why the term “I can’t have sex. I’ve got a headache” was born. A woman only had to briefly touch a man and he would get an erection and want sex immediately. Women, in the end, became hesitant to even touch their partners due to their constant desire and need for sex. With women, in the main, being like water and needing to be warmed up slowly sexually before they are ready for sex (it takes a womans vagina 20 minutes to become fully aroused ) verses men who are like fire and need dosing down, the imbalance was ever prevalent between the sexes and why men were, at times, “nuisances”. Not any more it seems now we have the Internet and Internet pornography…

One man wrote “Sex with my wife is changing. I’m wanting to have sex with her less and less and want to be acting out my addiction more and more. She has commented that she frequently is the initiator of sex and I pretty much can never achieve an orgasm when I have sex with her. This has a compounding effect and I now seek orgasms exclusively from the pornography. I see my life slipping away and I see all the lost potential. I’m 26.” Another man wrote “I’ve got erection problems with my wife and in general and find myself withdrawn and down a lot of the time. I stop using porn and the erection problems go away and I think I’m okay now and go back to porn and they start again. It’s a vicious cycle.”

Another man wrote “I can get an erection very very easily as soon as I power up my laptop but cannot get one when having sex the normal way (porn use has been heavy for 6 years). Also when in bed with my wife I have to think of porn scenes to help me get and keep an erection.” Another addict wrote “I am a 28 year old gay porn addict. Porn filled my sexual needs when I didn’t have a sexual partner. Now I’ve met a man and my problem is I can’t get aroused when I am with him. I can only get aroused when I look at porn. I feel ashamed and a failure.”

Porn addicted men constantly describe how their libido with their partners is almost completely destroyed due to their pornography addictions. One man wrote “I feel as if my sex drive has completely gone to sleep unless I awaken it by looking at hardcore porn.” Another wrote “My porn and masturbation addiction has been going on for 16 years (since aged 13). Now when I try to have sex I lose arousal. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts.” Another young man wrote “I have, for as long as I can remember, been unable to climax during intercourse. This makes sex frustrating for me. Yet I can compulsively masturbate to porn.” Another wrote this common theme said over and over again in porn addicted people… “I find real sex disappointing and prefer doing porn to actual sex. It makes me cry though to think I would rather satisfy myself in front of a computer screen than with a gorgeous woman. It needs to end now.”

Another addict wrote “I established high standards of fantasy due to porn intake and now nothing will live up to my expectations in the real world and I can’t get aroused with normal sex.” Another wrote “I can’t get fully erect when I am with a partner. Sex is boring after so much fantasy.” Another wrote “I don’t feel the same high with real sex as I get from masturbating and porn.” Another said “I get bored with normal sex unless the woman acts in a porn way.” Another wrote “I’ve been addicted since aged 13-14. I’ve had sex 3 times – all with prostitutes and failed to keep an erection. I’ve never had a girlfriend.”

Another addict wrote “I don’t enjoy sex much. I’ve been addicted to porn most of my adult life. The advent of the Internet just made things tremendously worse.” Another wrote “I see sex and porn as 2 different kinds of orgasms and after watching porn, it feels like I have to rewire my mind to be able to climax during sex. If I hadn’t watched porn, I’d not have a problem climaxing.”

Another addict wrote “I’m 22 and my libido is almost completely destroyed. I don’t get turned on EVER anymore. It’s just started to feel like glorified urination – even during masturbation.” Another wrote “It’s escalated to scat (faeces) and urine porn. I can’t perform with real women and leave them wondering if there’s something wrong with them (not intentionally) then go home and gross out to a nasty video where I am erect in a second – then I masturbate and go to sleep. This is typical. I just want a good healthy sex and emotional life.”

Along the same theme, another addict wrote “It’s progressed to scat porn and other extreme fetish stuff. I started doing porn at 11 (am now 27) and despite how attractive a girl was, I couldn’t get a proper arousal.” Another said “I always need more “forbidden” porn to maintain an erection and orgasm. I’m 26 and never had sex or a girlfriend.”

This kind of testimony is written over and over and over again by pornography addicts. One wrote “I have weak erections now even while doing porn and can’t stay erect.” In response, this recovering man wrote this… “I had to constantly raise the bar to get my erections. The addiction makes you get bored very easily. I had to keep clicking until something triggered me to get erect. As you begin to stay away from porn, within even a month, normal erections return.”

One tormented addict wrote “I plan to marry my partner but am scared I am already experiencing issues with being able to stay or even get aroused and am scared it will only get worse.” Another addict wrote “My first sexual experience was very underwhelming after years of porn and masturbating. I’m technically still a virgin.” Another wrote “I’ve been doing porn since I was 12 and had my first sexual experience today at 27. It was not as exciting as I thought it would be and I never ejaculated. Is this to do with my addiction?” Another wrote “When I had sex with a beautiful woman, I found it (after 2 years of not having sex) PLAIN. It felt like “Is this it?” The coupling effect of 2 years without a woman (my choice) and the desensitizing effect of porn I think is what did it to me. Having sex with her just felt like work and nowhere near as easy and pleasurable as sitting in my chair over my laptop.”

Many addicts write time and time again that “It is easier to do porn than it is having sex. So is masturbation.” Many men also write things along these lines… “I have intimacy issues. It’s easier to reach out to porn than real people.” Or… “I’ve started to watch hardcore stuff like humiliation. The more I watch porn, the less emotions I feel towards finding a girlfriend.” Or… “Once I started Internet porn, my confidence around sex became so low I was almost afraid to do it. This still affects me today.” Or… “I find cybersex safer than risking the drama of a real relationship. It’s ruining my life though.” Or… “I’ve been hooked on porn since I was 10 when I found my father’s collection. I’ve been addicted ever since – 25 years. I’ve stayed somewhat single most of my adult life – an occasional date here and there. Magazines and videos were easier to have a relationship with than the real thing.” Another wrote “Pornography was my first love/ lust. I viewed it before I’d even come into contact with a woman.”

Along similar themes, another addict wrote “I’ve been watching porn since I was 12. I first found my uncle’s magazines and since then could not put porn down. From when I was young I never felt girls found me attractive so my porn addiction enabled me not to care about cultivating meaningful and intimate relationships with females. I am now in my 20s and feel the constant pain of being alone. Only cynicism and hate fill my heart because of the deep void porn and masturbation addiction have thrown me into. My life is a sham. As I see my friends get married, have children and enjoy life, I sometimes feel like I want to kill myself.”

Another deeply saddened addict wrote “As I ended up watching harder and nastier porn, my own sexuality became completely absent. What’s worse is that I’ve never had a girlfriend or sex so it’s confusing for me. I’m 18 and already feel like a 70 year old man who has erectile dysfunction. Now non-hardcore porn doesn’t arouse me and I need riskier and riskier porn to get aroused. I now need really really hardcore and nasty perverted porn to arouse myself. Watching porn over the years has destroyed my whole sexuality. I’ve tried to quit but it’s so hard. I feel ashamed because I really want to quit this whole shit once and for all. I want to have a NORMAL sexuality with a REAL girlfriend and REAL sex. I just have no idea how to get away from all this – every attempt to quit has failed.”

Yet another young addict said “I opened my first bank account to buy webcam credit. I’m 18. Paying for a girl to get naked makes me feel terrible. I’ve now met a real girl but can’t face cutting off web contact with this other girl on the webcam. When I get taken over again though I won’t care and that’s horrible. It’s a pattern that just goes on and on and will only get worse. I know that.”

 

Porn is no longer about watching a video on a porn tube. It has become a lot more that just watching. It’s shifted to actually experiencing it. Virtual Reality porn makes it possible for anyone with a smartphone and a headset to live his or her fantasy. If you want, you can watch free vr porn online on VRLaid.com.